


Breaking Point

by toughasbarbedwire



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, F/M, Has a happy ending i promise, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, Shane's 6 heart event, Shane's breaking point, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-25
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-19 21:33:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9461234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toughasbarbedwire/pseuds/toughasbarbedwire
Summary: Shane's gotten so tired of the miserable rat race that is his life. No matter how much he struggles, he just can't seem to make it better. Maybe it's time he did something about it...





	

**Author's Note:**

> So first of all, let me say - I adore Shane. To the extent that, back before the 1.1 update came out, I literally could not bring myself to marry any of the other villagers because I knew I would spend my days longing for someone else. I was super excited that he became a marriage candidate with the update, and I couldn't wait to go through his heart events. 
> 
> I always knew that Shane was an angsty sort of character - that just came with the territory. However, it really surprised me just how far ConcernedApe took his story and what strong messages he told about mental health. When I watched the 6 Heart Event cutscene, I was silent and somber. 
> 
> Like many scenes from Stardew, I have a very clear mental picture of how this event went down. I wanted to share how I saw the 6 Heart Event happen and how my farmer, Barb, would have handled it.

“Shane!?? Oh my god! Shane???”

Shane shuddered as he dragged his face through the mud, the stench of wet earth filling his nostrils. The ground bucked and heaved underneath his limp form, spinning and tilting crazily.

“Shane?” Barb’s voice was much closer now, and he felt hands on his back. His body, so loose and broken and heavy before, suddenly snapped into action as he jerked himself violently away from her touch. He crashed into the pile of beer bottles around him, causing them to clatter and rattle as they rolled away. He ended up on his side and he could barely make out her face - blurry with the pouring rain and his foggy, drunken vision.

His body wracked with a hiccup and he slurred, “….Barb?” She said something, but he couldn’t quite understand it. His tongue moved again and he spoke, almost without meaning to.

 “I’m sorry.” She fell silent and looked at him for a long time. At least, it felt like a long time. The world blurred and heaved fluidly as he struggled to stay conscious. Words bubbled from inside of him, words long buried, and he went on. “M… my life… is a pathetic joke. Look at me.”

He grunted and shifted, a dull ache growing in his back. He was probably laying on a rock or a bottle or something.

The reality of what he was doing and where he was set in suddenly. On his side in the mud, drunk off his ass, in the pouring rain. So pathetic. Disgusting. Literally a piece of muddy garbage, a waste of space and effort. The black ooze inside of him reared up and choked up his throat, and he began shaking.

“W-why. Why do I even try?” A sob shook through him. He dragged a hand feebly toward his chest, fist clenched in the muck. “I’m too… too small and, and STUPID to take control of my life. I’m just a p… piece of filthy garbage flittering in the wind…” He stopped speaking as an enormous, roiling burp swelled up from his stomach and burst out of his lips, making him so disgusted with himself that his stomach muscles instantly clenched to vomit. Literally the only thing stopping him was the fact that she was here, right next to him, and he’d probably throw up directly into her lap. He brought up a hand in a feeble attempt to wipe his mouth, but he just ended up smearing mud on his face instead. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Barb leaning forward, and panic welled up inside of him. He couldn’t bear the thought of her touching him right now. He looked away, over at the edge of the cliff, and tried to find something to say to distract her.  
  
“I’ve been coming here a lot lately… looking over the edge…” He saw her stiffen. Shit, that wasn't what he was supposed to say. He wasn’t supposed to talk about that. But it was too late now. The words rose unbidden from his chest. “Here’s a chance to finally take control of my life. These cliffs…” His heart began to pound in his ribcage, just like it always did when he thought about this, and the ooze filled his throat again. “B…but…” another burp escaped and he twitched as he finished, “I’m too scared, too anxious… just like always…”

“… Shane…” he heard her speak, softly. He closed his eyes, the world spinning again. He felt compelled to explain himself, to justify putting the sadness and worry in her voice.

“Barb, all I do is work, sleep, and drink… t… to dull how much I, I hate myself. Why should I even go on?” A sob shook him, and then another, and another, wracking his body, and he pulled himself up on his forearms to look at her. Fear and anger and loathing choked him until he spat, “Tell me! T-tell me why I shouldn’t roll off this cliff right now!!”

“Shane!” Barb’s voice was tight with panic. “There’s so much to live for!”

He dragged himself forward a little, grunting a bitter laugh. “For you, maybe. You’re a good person, and you’ve got a good life. Not for me, though. Not for a piece of garbage like me.”

“Shane…” he felt, rather than saw, her move closer. Gentle fingers picked his head up out of the muck and set him gently against a warm, strong leg. He closed his eyes in humiliation, waiting for her to touch him again, but she did not. Instead the rain pattered against his cheek and they sat in silence for a while. When Barb’s voice began again, it was soft, almost rhythmic.

“The world can be… ugly sometimes. I know that just as well as anyone. My life wasn’t always this good, you know… There’s so much pain. So many people hurting. Sickness, fighting, betrayal, loss, poverty… it’s everywhere. It touches all of us. Twists us into something we weren’t meant to be.” She sighed, softly. “But… the world is also such an incredibly beautiful place. The way a person smiles when something makes them truly happy. Or the way they laugh when something so funny happens they can’t hold it in. The… comfort of a warm fireplace in the dead of winter, and the soft security of thick blankets tucking you in. The beauty of a cat’s brilliant eyes, or the soft fur of a rabbit. The way the wind blows through the trees before a storm, and the soft light of early morning. The way snow falls and muffles the world and turns it white and pure and magical. The way you feel so small when you stand at the foot of a mountain, or at the edge of the ocean.”  
  
Shane drifted. He let himself go, rode the gentle tide of her words, of the tapestry her tongue was weaving. He stood in the doorway as the snow fell and then he felt the sand between his toes and heard the crash of the ocean.

Fingers gently moved a stray lock of his hair and tucked it behind his ear. “And it’s so hard, sometimes.” Barb’s voice continued softly. “It’s so, so hard. Sometimes it feels completely impossible to look past the ugliness and find the beauty. Sometimes the pain encompasses you so much that you feel like you’ve never known anything else. But you have, and you can again. You just have to look. You just have to try. And…”

Something in her voice had changed, and he cracked an eye slightly to look at her face. She was staring down at her lap, eyes unfocused. “You have so many people that care about you, and you don’t even know. Marnie’s harsh sometimes, I know, but she really is worried about you. And Emily’s your friend and asks about you when you’re not around. And Jas adores you, and looks up to you so much…” Barb’s face fell.

“And I… I care about you too.” Her voice was very small. “S-sometimes I wonder if you really don’t like me, if I’m just driving you crazy and you get frustrated when I walk into the room cause you know I’ll just cause you grief. But I really, really do care about you and… and the valley would be a… much, much duller place without you…”

Barb’s shoulders hunched and something deep inside of Shane tugged sharply. Her next words where a whisper. “Please don’t leave me…”

Shane closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. “Barb?”

“Yeah?” she looked at him.

 “I think… you should take me to the hospital now.” He mumbled, not making eye contact.

He felt her start. “Yes! Of course!” She scrambled to her feet, gently moving his head before she did so, and reached down to him. Strong hands gripped him and hauled him to his feet much faster than he anticipated. His head spun.

“Goddam, you’re strong,” he grunted, stumbling forward. She pulled him toward her and held him for a moment, then steadily supported him as they began forward slowly. He felt her chuckle.

“Yeah, I spend all day slinging heavy stuff around on the farm, chopping down trees, that sort of thing. Comes with the territory. Careful, don't trip on that rock.”

They made their way slowly, so slowly, past Marnie’s house and into the cobblestone streets of town. It only just dawned on Shane that they would be passing several houses and he hung his head, staring at the ground, knowing that the villagers would be looking, would be watching his walk of shame.

Barb must have noticed, because she gave him a little nudge. “Hey, it’s ok. No one’s even up right now, it’s still early. They can’t see you.”

Her words did little to reassure him, but he didn't stop staggering forward, and they found themselves at the door of the clinic after what felt like an eternity. Barb reached for the door but was stopped short.

“They’re not open yet,” she muttered to herself. And then proceeded to bang on the door with all her strength. “HEY!” she yelled. “OPEN UP! WE’VE GOT AN EMERGENCY!!” She kept banging until the door jerked open and a very disheveled Harvey with glasses askew blinked at them wildly.

 “What on earth?!” he cried, but the second he laid eyes on Shane, his expression snapped into a professional one. “Bring him in,” he ordered, pulling the door open wide.

Barb helped Shane into the infirmary and to a table as Harvey dug around in a drawer full of supplies, pulling out equipment. “Shane, my boy, what did you do to yourself this time,” Harvey muttered under his breath, pulling out a long, frighteningly large tube. On the table, Shane’s heart began to stutter and his breathing quickened as panic rose up. Barb squeezed his hand, gently, and he looked at her.

“It’ll be ok,” she reassured. “Harvey’s a good doctor. He knows what he’s doing.”

“Oh don’t worry,” Harvey said from the sidelines. “I’m going to sedate you first thing. I wouldn’t try to put this tube down your throat with you awake. Barb, can you help me with the IV since Maru’s not here yet?”

“Sure,” Barb moved easily around the table and handled the equipment with familiarity. Shane’s eyebrows raised, and she explained, “I was going to college to be a veterinarian. That didn’t really… pan out… but I know my way around medical equipment. Also my mother was a nurse.” Barb helped hang a bag of fluids on a tall rack as Harvey uncapped the needle.

“Make a fist,” he ordered, and Barb’s hand slipped into Shane’s.

“Squeeze my hand,” she asked, softly, and Shane did, shutting his eyes as the needle went in.  
  
“Perfect,” Harvey nodded, moving around as he set a few more things up. Barb moved back to Shane’s bedside again and gently brushed his hair out of his face again.

“When you wake up, you’ll feel much better.”

“All right, here comes the sedation,” Harvey said, taking the IV line and gently inserting a needle into it. He deployed the plunger and Shane began to get woozy. He closed his eyes.

 

 

Barb sat in the clinic’s waiting room, restlessly shuffling through the pages of a magazine. Her eyes scanned the words but nothing really registered. Her head snapped up at the sound of the door opening and Harvey stepped out from the back, swiping a hand across his forehead tiredly.

Barb stood up, and said quietly, “Is he all right?”

Harvey sighed. “I’ve pumped his stomach and given him plenty of fluids. He’s going to be ok.”  
  
Barb’s shoulders slumped as she let go of the tension she didn’t know she was holding. “Good…” she breathed.

“It’s a good thing that you brought him in,” Harvey went on, seriously. “With a blood alcohol concentration like that, if he had gone untreated for much longer, it would have started to cause some serious damage.” Harvey stuck his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “He’ll be fine, but right now I’m more worried about his mental health…”

Barb looked at the floor. “He… he wanted to commit suicide.” Harvey turned back to her, brows raised. She nodded and went on, “I was able to talk him down this time but… I don't know what’ll happen if I’m not there next time.”

Harvey shook his head. “I was afraid of that. That settles it. He’s let this go on for too long without taking care of it. When he comes to, I’ll have a chat with him about his treatment options. I know an excellent counselor in Zuzu City that’s dealt with cases like Shane’s before.”

“Thank you, Dr. Harvey,” Barb said. “You don’t know how much… that reassures me.”

“And you should go home and get some rest,” Harvey began gently shooing her toward the door. “I’ll make sure Shane is taken care of. I’m sure you’re exhausted from everything that’s happened.”

“Yeah, I have farm chores to take care of too…” Barb scrubbed a hand through her hair tiredly. “Thank you for everything, Doctor.”

“It’s my job, and my pleasure,” Harvey said as he opened the door for her. Barb began the walk home in the pouring rain, trying to put her anxious thoughts out of her head for now.

**Author's Note:**

> I actually fully plan on turning this into a series, starting at when Shane and Barb first meet and ending in their marriage. Don't worry, things start to get super cute from here on out! Angst should always be balanced by a proper amount of fluff.


End file.
